ESSAY QUESTION:
An author once wrote that “The invention of the telephone prevents us from appreciating the distance between us.” Today this is even more true as the rise of the Internet has enabled inexpensive global communication.

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the position stated above. Support your viewpoint using reasons and examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

MY RESPONSE:
I completely agree with the quote that “The invention of the telephone prevents us from appreciating the distance between us.”. Also the rise of the Internet has provided even better and inexpensive means of communication across distance.

First, the telephone brought people across the globe closer. For example a relative of an Indian native could get to speak with his relative in America i.e on almost the opposite side of the globe. Also it saved a lot of time consumed by earlier means of communication such as postal mail system etc.
So, certainly the invention prevented us from appreciating the distance between us.

Second, the invention of Internet has further reduced the whatever distant feeling was there after the invention of telephone. People who could not afford to make long distance calls as they were expensive, can now exchange their voices easily across the globe through inexpensive Internet.
Even the mailing system has benn made faster as never before. Now we can send large e-mails through Internet and they reach the destination within seconds.

Third, Internet has also revived our day to day jobs. Now, we do not have to go to Airports or Railway stations and stand in a queue to get a registration. We can do it right away from our homes.
Banking has been made faster and cheaper, and also more accessible through ATMs as never before.
There is an improvement in every sphere of life, be it Healthcare, Business across globe or Distant Education.

To sum it up, the invention of telephone and then Internet has made such a drastic improvement in the global communication that it has made the world look smaller. It surely has prevented us from appreciating the distance between us

Hi, Amit, can you please list the source of this essay question? Thanks.

I am sorry for I forgot to mention the source.

The source is Manhattan Practice CAt#1 (1st out of 6 practice test series).

Thanks
--Amit

Overall, you have good ideas but need to work on both your technical skills (grammar, etc.) and fleshing out the essay a bit. Also, you seemed to misinterpret the given quote (see below) which will lower your score - not sure if this last issue was just a one-time thing or something that is likely to happen again.

When the quote says that something "prevents us from appreciating the distance between us," it is not praising the technology. It is saying that the technology has drawbacks.

1st paragraph:
Well-reasoned arguments typically acknowledge the other point of view. In addition, it is best to state an explicit thesis in your own words, rather than repeating the given quote. For example, "While the advent of the telephone and the Internet have eased logistical difficulties, it is also the case that these technologies serve to diminish cultural richness..."

The three body paragraphs illustrate the misunderstanding of the quote - the examples given are positive ones, while the quote is a criticism. Also, the essay scorers prefer real-world examples, not hypotheticals. So instead of saying "a relative of an Indian native could..." say, "I can speak with my relatives in India..."

The last paragraph is a good summation... but it again illustrates the misunderstanding of the given quote.

There are a number of grammatical errors throughout the essay. Not so many that the essay cannot be understood, but enough to reduce the score a bit.

The mis-read of the quote is enough to bring your score down to probably a 2. If you had addressed the quote accurately but still had the other issues I discussed above, then your score might have been lifted to about a 3.

You need to do enough practice here to get your score to a 4, but you don't really need to shoot for a 5 or 6. The schools don't care nearly as much about the essay score.

Thanks Stacey for the prompt reply.

I will work hard to improve my AWA skills.