Can you please rate the following AWA and provide improvement suggestions.

Source : List of Analysis of Argument found on mba.com
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The following appeared in a memorandum issued by a large city’s council on the arts:

“In a recent citywide poll, 15 percent more residents said that they watch television programs about the visual arts than was the case in a poll conducted five years ago. During these past five years, the number of people visiting our city’s art museums has increased by a similar percentage. Since the corporate funding that supports public television, where most of the visual arts programs appear, is now being threatened with severe cuts, we can expect that attendance at our city’s art museums will also start to decrease. Thus some of the city’s funds for supporting the arts should be reallocated to public television.”


Response

The council concludes that some of the city’s fund should be reallocated to public television. This is based on the premise that corporate funding supporting television program will suffer significant cuts and that the cuts will indirectly impact the number of people watching television program on visual arts and the number of people visiting the city’s museum . The council’s argument is unconvincing for several reasons.

First, the council needs to establish whether the reduction of corporate funding for public television will cause a reduction of programs being aired on the television pertaining to visual arts. If corporate funding is normally geared towards programs on economic affairs & news, then it would be highly unlikely that the number of programs on visual arts would decrease. So an impact analysis needs to be done by the council before reaching any conclusion on the effect of the corporate funding cuts on the types of television programs being aired.

Second, the council draws a relationship between the reduction of television program on visual arts and the reduction in the museum attendance by assuming that the people watching television programs on visual arts are the ones who get motivated and subsequently visit the city’s museum. It could be possible that the group of people watching visual art programs on television and the group of people visiting the city’s museum are completely different. The increase in the attendance of the city’s museum could be because of the increase in tourist population frequenting the museum or because there was an increase in children between the age groups of 8 -12 years visiting the museum as a result of a number awareness programs initiated by the museum. So, it could very well be possible that though the number of programs on visual arts decreases, the number of people visiting museum will remain the same or increases.

So, the council would need to provide evidence to firstly prove the relationship between corporate funding and the decrease in the number of programs on visual arts being aired on public television and secondly prove relationship between the people watching programs on visual arts and the people visiting the museum before they can conclude that the reallocation of some of the city’s funds will have its desired effects.

Hi, thanks for posting your essays! Just an FYI that instructors don't grade or give feedback on essays (see the forum guidelines for details).

But I certainly hope other community members respond. Also, if you're in our class, you'll have an opportunity to get essays graded and get written feedback during the course (after class 6). Finally, you can get essays graded by GMAT Write (the official essay grading service from the makers of the exam) - they'll both grade the essays and provide feedback as to how to improve (for a fee). For details and pricing, go to www.mba.com and search for GMAT Write.

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Stacey Koprince
Instructor
Director of Online Community
ManhattanGMAT

Sorry for that and thanks for the suggestion

np - good luck!

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Stacey Koprince
Instructor
Director of Online Community
ManhattanGMAT

It is a well written essay. I would add one more paragraph to talk about how the argument can be strengthened by providing additional evidences.

My rating - 5.5

Thanks for helping a fellow student!

_________________
Stacey Koprince
Instructor
Director of Online Community
ManhattanGMAT

Nicely written.
The main point about the relationship or the lack of it between TV viewership and museum visitors was appropriately taken up.

If anything ,it could have been a bit lengthier.Some more points could have been added.

I would rate this 5/6 .

Thanks for your reply!

_________________
Stacey Koprince
Instructor
Director of Online Community
ManhattanGMAT