This is a question from the MGMAT SC Strategy guide
(Third Edition, Guide 8), Page 34, Question 17

The task is to solve the concision,

Question -
A bottle of red wine was ordered by Grant, even though Marie had had the expectation that he would be placing an order for a bottle of white wine.

The answer in the book -
Grant ordered a bottle of red wine, even though Marie had expected him to order a bottle of white wine

My question, when I took a stab at it, I wrote,

Grant ordered a bottle of red wine, even though Marie had expected that he would order for a bottle of white wine.

In my opinion,

1. "Expect" is a reporting verb. Can "that" follow "Expected (Concision - "Too Short" - Pattern 3)

2. Difference between "Order a" and "Order for". In my opinion the former is wrong as it seems that Marie had expected Grant to give orders to a bottle (as in command/instructions). Don't you think to "order for" clarifies the fact that an order is being placed?

Can someone correct my thinking here?

Thanks
Venkat

The question of "too short" patterns is really one of clarity. As you know, Clarity trumps Concision every time. The main issue with these "Reporting Verbs" is that when you eliminate the word "that" you sometimes sound as though the next noun is the direct object of the Reporting Verb.

For example, we say "The study indicates that the problem has vanished" rather than "The study indicates the problem has vanished," because the latter version makes it sound as though "the problem" is the direct object of "indicates," but the sentence then goes on to make "the problem" the subject of the next clause. As a result, the word "that" is needed here to establish clarity.

This is not really the case with the example you cite: "She expected him to order white wine" comes across clearly. This is more of an art than a science, but I imagine the situation would be different if you had a different beginning to the sentence. Imagine, for instance:

"While waiting at the bus stop, she expected him to order white wine." At this point, the part after the comma sounds (to me at least) like "she expected him." Why? Because she's waiting at a bus stop. And thus more likely to be expecting someone. In the wine example, it has already been established that he is ordering wine, so the second part sounds fine. I know that's a bit of a stretch, but that's just the point: these clarity vs. concision issues are very tricky/subtle! While there are patterns that often hold, there are no hard and fast rules. Ultimately language is an art as well as a science.

As for your second question, "order for" is not idiomatic. It might be in England - I'm not sure, but it sounds kind of British to me - but it doesn't pass as American English, the language of the GMAT. We use "order white wine" where "white wine" is the direct object of the verb "order."

Thank you Jonathan , that makes sense.

nice explanation Jonathan!

_________________
Stacey Koprince
Instructor
Director of Online Community
ManhattanGMAT

Can 'even' be removed from 'even though' in the correct answer without altering the meaning?

The sentence would become:

Grant ordered a bottle of red wine, though Marie had expected him to order a bottle of white wine.


or

Grant ordered a bottle of red wine, though Marie had expected him to order one of white wine.


Regards.
Alisha.

Alisha,
"even though" is a somewhat stronger way than "though" to express how the second thing that happened is surprising given the first thing that happened. For example:
I aced the GMAT even though I never studied.
I aced the GMAT though I never studied.

I think that substituting "one" in for "bottle" is fine. :-)

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Jamie Nelson
ManhattanGMAT Instructor

Thanks for the explanation, Jamie Nelson.

You are welcome!

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Jamie Nelson
ManhattanGMAT Instructor